You’re going to be a dad. Your life is about to change forever and you’re probably on a steep learning curve. I’ve outlined below a few nuggets that I hope you’ll find useful. It’s not always going to be easy as a parent but it is incredibly rewarding. It is very typical of African men to say that they have got their mum, mother in-law etc. to help their wives when they give birth, but trust me , this is never too much for you to do for your wife and unborn child.....
Mark your territory
When your child arrives you need to be there for both mother and baby. You may come across individuals, possibly even close family members, that freeze you out of the scene because you’re not the child’s mother. Their actions are probably well meant but their views on parenting are antiquated and they see it as women’s work.
As a father you are more than capable of changing nappies and no matter whether it is 3hrs or 15hrs you can bottle feed your child. You’re also perfectly qualified to bathe your child.
Do not let anyone tell you otherwise and do not question your own abilities. Aside from breast feeding, you are capable of doing everything with your child that mother can do and you can do it to exactly the same standard.
I know this might sound a little bit absurd in Africa as a whole as taking care of the baby is regarded as a woman's work but trust me on this, it is only called helping out.
Write a birth plan
Write a birth plan for the three most likely outcomes; natural birth, forceps delivery and caesarean section. Get to know this plan intimately. Some people say birth plans aren’t worth writing because every birth is different and the unexpected is guaranteed but I totally disagree and think birth plans are vital.
It’s true, you can’t plan for every eventuality in the delivery room but you are your partner’s advocate and you need to know what her wishes are. It’s very difficult for your partner to tell a medical consultant what pain relief she wants while having a contraction . In these circumstances it will be your job to make clear to the medical team exactly how your partner wishes to be treated and that’s easier if it’s written down in black and white.
The unexpected will happen
Even if you have an exceedingly detailed birth plan, accept the fact that each and every birth is unique and the unexpected is inevitable. The labour could be much quicker than anticipated, baby’s heart rate could fluctuate, your wall-flower of a wife may scream and make noises you’ve only heard in horror films, you just don’t know.
Whatever happens, just let the midwives/Doctors do their jobs. Unfortunately there is little that you can do during the final stages other than reassure your partner everything will be alright. Doing this shows you are more than concerned about your partner/wife and reassures her she is not left alone and is being cared for in a million ways.
Intimacy will happen again (eventually!)
You’re probably wondering when your sex life will get back to normal. Don’t fret, you will have sex again but you need to be realistic; there will not be much love making in the short term and it will take some time for this most intimate part of your life to evolve and adapt to your new circumstances.
Put your partner/ wife first and do not be a selfish being. Respect the fact that she has to recover from the physical trauma of the birth. What few new parents appreciate is the impact of post-birth hormones. To be blunt, these chemicals temporarily affect a woman’s libido and unfortunately not in the way you would like them to ( Not same for all women though). You will probably find that spontaneity is difficult when you are looking after an infant. You may even find you have to plan your intimate moments around your child’s nap times ....funny isn't it?
Enjoy being a parent
Being a parent is hard work and you’re going to make mistakes along the way. So what? Every parent finds it tough and every parent makes mistakes. There are also many upsides to being a parent. You’re joining a club that most people are a member of or at the very least can relate to. As a result you will meet new people and make new and lasting friendships.
Being a parent is also very rewarding. You have many special moments to look forward to; first spoken word, crawling, walking, first day at school and so on. Enjoy it while you can because one thing you’re going to learn very quickly is that your children grow up with terrifying speed and before you know it, they turn out from mummy and daddy's little boy/girl to Miss/Master "INDEPENDENT"
Enjoy your day !!!
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